Post- Diagnosis

After coming to terms with my diagnosis, I started doing a TON of research.  Joined countless support groups and bought books to help me get all of the information I needed.  I am bound and determined to not let this diagnosis define me or the mother I am meant to be.  My OBGYN suggested I go see an endocrinologist so she can start me on hormone replacement therapy and do any further testing to make sure I have no other underlying issues. She firsts suggest I start back on birth control because that would give me the right amount of hormones I need each month to keep me healthy.  I told her I didn't want to be on birth control because I don't want anything stopping me from possibly getting pregnant.  She kind of chuckled as if what I was suggesting was completely off base, but I don't care.   I feel like if I went on birth control that would be me waving the white flag saying "I give up, there's no hope for me".  But there IS hope, 5% chance of conceiving with my own eggs, that's still something right? So, she prescribes me a pill to take once a day of estrogen and progesterone to replace the hormones that my body is not producing.  This helps to ensure heart and bone health and I will need to be on this until I am about 55. She wants me to stay on this for 6 weeks and then get my blood re-tested.  They will check on my hormone levels and also check to make sure I don't have any chromosome disorders or auto-immune disorders because sometimes that can be the root cause of premature ovarian failure. Lovely.  She suggested I go see a fertility specialist and they can further explain to me what my options are as far as fertility treatments go, if any.  After being on the hormone replacement I am starting to feel better.  No more hot flashes or mood swings.  I am finally starting to get some happiness back into my life.  I could not be more grateful for the love and support from my family and friends.  My boyfriend has been so incredible through this whole process.  To be quite honest, I was kind of expecting him to run for the hills.  What 23 year old man wants to be told his girlfriend may not be able to give him biological children?! Thankfully, he was completely supportive and told me all he was concerned about was my health and well being. At first, I didn't want to tell anybody.  However, I quickly realized that it wasn't healthy for me to internalize all these feelings I was having.  Infertility affects 1 in 8 women and some woman feel ashamed and embarrassed so vocalize their struggles, I know I did at first. But it helps to talk about it and get feedback from other people because you never know who may be struggling with the same issue. I'm a hairstylist and am around woman ALL day.  I've gotten a lot of good advice, well wishes, and prayers which really help.  I still have days where I think, why me? Why of all people did this have to happen to me?! But I look around and realize things could be MUCH worse.  I used to hate when people said this but I truly believe this is all in God's plan and I know this will happen for me. I will be a mother one day.