A New Beginning

So the 1 year anniversary of my appointment to meet Dr. Check was last week. I can’t believe it’s already been a year. 

I got a call from my nurse going over my blood work that day. Nothing. They have been monitoring my hormone levels every week to see if I start to raise in my estradiol which would indicate follicle growth. We would then start ONE cycle of injections just to see what happens. But my body has not been cooperating. 

My nurse told me she thinks I need to have another phone appointment with Dr. Check to re-evaluate my treatment plan because it’s been a year now and nothing has really happened. Every time she speaks to me, her voice just sounds so sad. Like she feels so bad for me and hates giving me bad news week after week. But that’s just the way it goes. 

I have a feeling when I talk to Dr. Check tomorrow (Dec. 12th) that he’s going to tell me its time to move on.. 

Time to move on to my next option which would be donor egg when I’m ready to have a baby. 

He may say we can continue treatment for another 6 months. But I think I’ve made my decision. After the 1st of the year I’m going to give myself a break. Take a break from the weekly blood draws ( my veins can no longer take it and my phlebotomist told me they may need to start poking me in my hands or feet, NO THANK YOU!!!) take a break from the ultrasounds, the hormones, and the constant dwelling and wondering if this is going to be my month. The hope that this cycle my body just says “hey! I’m gonna work this time”. But life’s just not that simple. Not for me at least. 

I feel confident that this is the right step for me at this point in my life. I think it’s time to focus on other aspects of my life. The more positive, happy ones. Joe and I moved into our own little place, we are focusing on building our careers and just enjoying each other and our dog. A baby will come when it’s our time. 

You want someone to just hand you a highlighted path and just say “this is the path you need to take” and at the end of that path would be a baby. I wish it was that easy, but in my heart I know it’s time to take a step back. THIS is what’s best for us right now. 

So for now, I will be finishing out this monitoring cycle and let myself heal. Let my mind, body, and soul be at peace. 

They say when you just let go, miraculous things can happen. So you never know! 😉

I will still update this blog if anything exciting does happen.  But for now, see you all later! Thanks so much for sharing this journey with me. 

It isn’t over yet! 

Xoxo, 

Lindsey